OH GOD WHERE DO I START

So! We're in Neverwinter, on the night shift, with our darkvision, walking our beat, just a regular night. And then there's a scream.

We're the kind of people who walk briskly towards a scream. Into an alley. Where there's a woman and her very recently murdered brother. She said he missed a rendezvous. An eyeball and a note fell out of his pocket. You know. Normal things to have in your pocket. We put the eyeball in a pouch (the dedicated pouch for such things) and read the note aloud and now we're following an icky compass down a sketch alley to a mausoleum that's only fake boarded up.

And wooooow is the water in here rank. Oh, there's a lil crack that's a way to not have to swim...which is great because there's an elemental. Not anymore there's not, shoo.

...this is not the best tunnel we've ever gone through but it's not the worst either. Annnd now we're looking at some sarcophogi. THey were "roommates". By which I mean Tombmates. A ghost is asking us to help her regain her identity. OKay. COolcoolcool. We can do that. We did that. She has a name that we definitely remember (Chanel...something, player forgot the last name). The cult that moved in here cursed her, that's fucking rude.

She gave her blessing for graverobbing. So now we have a +1 shield, some spell scrolls, and some gold and other things. Horray! Annnd on to the temple originally to Oghma. Which is full of zombies.

Did you know zombies will try to run through a Moonbeam? They're not very bright. After that whole mess we re-sanctified the temple. Or tried. And went onward.

The deeper temple was...oh, this is BAD, that's Vecna shit. The appropriate way to deal with an undead who wants to be a god is mockery. So we had to sacred flame a dick and balls into the alter. It's required. Some cultists heard us. somehow. They started shit. We finished it!

The ones who came to meet us surrendered and gave us a key to their leader's lockbox. We tossed his office and tied them up and went down to interrupt the ritual.

That was sure a fight that happened. Uh. Wow. Cultists ain't shit. Their leader surrendered, too, which is...something. And then, ugh, Vecna appeared to us and did something. Strong disapproval.

But we got money. So. yay?

Okay so we got hired to do a rescue. That's fiiiine. They wanted to pay us in FIVE HOUSES and 1000g each. We do not need FIVE HOUSES. We want one house and more money.

So, okay. THat's settled! To the graveyard!

Four people to rescue. Kay. First though, a room of wights. And their shit. And a SECRET DOOR SECRET DOOR

Annnnd a water elemental dance party, so we can focus fire. Don't gotta make one run away after all. Huzzah. THere's a lil hungry dude in the closet, and he's telling us...things? Let's eat sandwiches

OH. THE RITUAL IS STARTING SOON. SHoulda led with that, bud. But. Okay. Finishing sandwiches. ANd opening doors. Teamwork makes the dream work with a Silent Knock, annnnnnnnd here's the missing visionary. SHe Sees Vecna SHit and us. Peachy lovely hate that for us.

Half our targets are rescued though! we're all at near full strength. GO team?

We continued through this dungeon. This is fine. There's nothing in that one room, except lil dials that might flood somewhere. Annnnd there's...a....fishy elemental guy...in the other room. Tinkering. We'll decide what to do about him *when we are not actively in the doorway* please.

Nothing. We're doing nothing. Except bravely running away, bc the elementals are supposed to protect him. Then up the stairs and down the stairs and up the stairs and down the stairs and oh, okay, we're fighting all the cultists and several mages. Cleo stunned one with her boobs and the other ran like a coward.

...Legogoth one shot the cultist that tried to touch Tiffany. No means no!

So that was fun, we all love being fireballed and ice stormed.

And then up more stairs after the cowardly mage. Oh. Goodie. Gorilla things? And g'bye, cowardly mage. Cleo's on it with the stunning strikes, the gorillas have no chance. Through another door!

IDk what that thing with the necromancer is but they need to both be neon. Or...it can be gone, Dusk banished it. Which is great bc circle of death hits hard. Got us all healed up just in time for it to be back. and. we almost murderkilled it.

Then into the ritual. Oh. wow. Fuck ALL of this. That's so many...Mike Wazowskis. And cultists. and a person leading it. And David Tennant in a cage. WHY.

...kay. Gunna stun a person leadning it, and murder a cultist, and also murder the person leading it. great! Then the cage lights up and everything's....wrooooooooooooooooooooong................

WHY ARE WE IN COFFINS

WHY ARE WE IN A PILE OF COFFINS

WHY ARE WE IN A PILE OF COFFINS IN THE SHADOWFELL

Coffin pile in the shadow fell

...oh. oh goodie. We're about to have friends.

In the name of the moon Fuck off

Now we only have two shambly friends!

So, uh. Legogoth took us to the corpse market of Evernight, which is exactly as ghastly as it sounds, and we still don't know exactly what the fuck, because Elvish David Tennet doesn't know what the fuck, but. Uh. We met a vampire bartender and had drinks and brought our own snacks and learned a few things, like how to leave. Via a Crevasse of Dusk (but not like that)! and the location of one. Selling our blood? Way better than selling secrets. I remain convinced.

To another cursed tomb! Where some vampire spawn want to fuck. around. and. find. out. It's a radiance party. No regenerate for any of you!

It was actually, uh, very clean? And maybe not cursed? The ghost in charge of cleaning it was sociable and told us to take the treasure. THey kept the password under a snowglobe. So we, um...politely looted, and didn't open one of the doors at all, and solved the puzzle, annnnnd evaded the bad hug

No! means! no!

jumped into a coffin! back to Neverwinter! horray!

And negotiations for hazard pay went acceptably, though our new friend wants to move out of the Pickled Cockerel after seeing jars of pickled peckers. Our new house should be ready shortly

In Neverwinter everyone's been having weird dreams and visions, all vecna themed. THE BEST.

We were talking about it over brunch (Brunch? brunch sounds right) when. Fuckitall, we were transported...somewhere...OH TO SIGIL NO BIG DEAL. By a wish spell. NO BIG DEAL. By Alustriel Silverhand, Mordenkainen, and Tasha. NO BIG DEAL. I have the vapors.

They thought they'd fix the Vecna problem with a Wish spell but noooo they just got us. The Vecna problem is "vecna trying to rewrite reality", incidentally...but. Uh. They need us to collect some artifacts. THIS IS FINE.

There's a library here, though, and they're paying us. ANd. We have to go to the spidery underdark. Never assume a drow woman is from the spidery underdark. That shit gets you stabbed.

...we went to the underdark. Eventually. After much haggling and manners teaching. No one's happy. We did get to draw a dick on a shrine to Lolth though.

We're going in the furthest south door. Dusk and Lego are Tiffany's guards, Tiffany's going to channel her mom and use her aunt's name about it, Cleo and Knowi are new converts. Or sacrifices. Sacrecruits. We'll go with sacrercuits.

We might need to have a loooong talk about 'drow supremacy' and 'the very specific, narrow beauty standards of most underdark drow' if we have to do this again, but we're all going to hate every part of that.

Ohkay. So there's a guard in that room. He somehow believed Tiffany is the HBIC and supposed to be there. Annnnd we don't wanna go behind him, & the way he cackled when we tried to go the other way suggests...it's time to KAREN. A drow Karening is funny. Let's go talk to the manager.

On our way to talk to the manager, we see someone summoning...oh hell no. Kill it with holy fire. UNFORTUNATELY the wizard's blood, like, completed the summoning, so we had to fight the demon thing, and the caster managed to warn her...allies. No one has friends down here.

I really hate getting fireballed. But not as much as Lego, DAMN. &...well, uh, are teh devil & Cleo flirting or fighting? Annnd scaring the devil was maybe a bad plan. But also, Cleo needs to keep her blood on the inside.

Through the wall is the actual worst thing I've ever seen: a spider dragon. ANd also what we're here for.

So. okay. Gotta kill a spider dragon (breath weapon: spiders.) and steal the thing its hoarding. ANd a yochtlol, TELL LOLTH IT WAS ME. TELL HER I LIED AND PRETENDED TO BE HERS. SHE CAN GET WRECKED. Um. Sorry. Anyway. So. Everyone's blood is back in. We got the rod piece.

...we opened another door. Four more demons. COOL. Oh, they ain't shit.

...annnd then we maybe converted a guard. And we let a cyclops go eat dragon. We left the lolthite prisoner to rot. Then we went back to Sigil to find out where we're going next (the astral sea!)

Level 12 wooooot here we go